Eyes Like Fire, Yet Cold As Ice
by Mrcul
Summary: Rei+Shinji fic. 2nd chapter is up! {RECONTINUED}
1. Cold Beginnings

Standard disclaimer crap applies...blah, all characters owned by Gainax, blah blah, I have no   
right to be doing this, blah blah blah, but I am, yadda yadda yadda...This is my first fic,   
please send C&C, but when you send CONSTUCTIVE criticism, don't say, cue really dopie voice   
"Rei's out of character..." tell me how I can fix it. (Note the constructive before the   
criticism) Now that we have that all over and done with, you can enjoy the show!!   
  
Eyes Like Fire, Yet Cold As Ice.  
-Chapter One - Cold Beginnings  
-- By Aal  
-- My e-mail is aal@evangelion.com  
  
Rei was lying face down on her bed running over one of her memories in her head...   
'This Ikari... He's not like Him, I think he cares for me...'   
- Quick Flashback -  
Rei smiling in entry plug after 5th angel  
- Quick Flashback -  
Rei walking inside her house.  
Touji: "Ah, please excuse us"  
Rei: "What for?"  
Touji: We brought you your student bulletins."  
  
Shinji: "Ah, sorry, I kinda cleaned up a bit It was just trash right?"  
  
Rei is completely shocked and embarrassed.  
Rei: "Th-thankyou"  
- Back to Reality -   
Rei thought over those two events again. These were important memories. Something to hang on to   
for a rainy day.  
- Quick Flashback -  
Rei: ..."Th-thankyou..."  
- Back to Reality -  
'Thankyou - words of gratitude... Words I've never used... Not even with Him...'  
'What is this feeling I am having?'  
...  
Rei thought over it a bit longer  
'I can't ask Ikari, for it is about him.'  
'I must talk with Him about this, maybe he can give me an answer/some advice.'  
Rei got up from her bed and headed out the door of her apartment, not even waiting for the door   
to close.   
  
That very night, Shinji Ikari was laying in his bed, staring at the ceiling, listening to his   
most prized possession, his SDAT on track 25. Random thoughts popped into his head, it was like   
searching for a needle in a haystack, he picked through the thoughts, thinking about one he found   
for a couple of minutes and when dissatisfied with it, hie dismissed it and looked around from a   
new one. He found one that interested him.   
'Asuka. How could she be so mean? Did she have no soul? Why was she always pushing people away   
from her? How could I describe her? Fire? Or the Suzahara and Aida approach, demon? No, Asuka   
could not be explained with mere words, you have to experience her for yourself...  
- Quick Flashback -  
Asuka is clad in her plug suit with her hands on her hips and an angry authoritarian look on   
her face.  
...  
"Well, put it on!'  
...  
"Don't just stand there, get moving!"  
- Quick Flashback -  
Shinji is standing with both Asuka and Rei in their plug suits, on the elevator to the cages   
for their respective Eva's, and Asuka has a look of absolute disbelief on her face.  
"You don't know?"  
Her face takes the normal angry authoritarian look again.   
"Are you STUPID?!"  
...  
"I suppose you really are."  
- Quick Flashback -  
Asuka, Shinji and Rei are crawling stomaches flat to the ground in a ventilation shaft in order   
to get to NERV headquarters. Asuka notices that Shinji could well be staring up her dress,   
as she is in front of him. She thinks she better let him know who's boss, and who that pervert   
is dealing with.   
"If you dare look up my dress I'll kill you!"  
...  
"Do you hear me Shinji?"  
- Back to Reality -  
Shinji didn't want to remember what happened next, because it hurt. He sighed. 'I wonder if she's   
happy, deep down inside.' He turned on to his side. 'Maybe she thinks her anger makes people   
think she is happy, but I don't think she is.' He pulled to covers closer, because he was getting   
cold. 'Maybe she just needs someone to talk to... a friend.' 'Heh, it would be nice if I could be   
that friend, but when I think about it, is Asuka really humanly able to have a real friend?'   
'She certainly isn't nice to anyone except Kaji and Hikari, and with Kaji, it's just some stupid   
crush that even she knows is crap, and with Hikari, every person needs someone to unload about   
everything with, so I guess that's Hikari's role in Asuka's life, I don't think they're that   
close at all.' He looked up at the ceiling again. 'I think Asuka is incapable of being nice to me,  
she just uses me as her punching bag.'  
Shinji suddenly sat up.  
'That's it! I'm her punching bag! I can't believe it took me that long to work that out.'   
'I'm just something that, whenever she feels the need, can insult hit and jibe, to make her feel   
better.  
That's all I am to her... It makes me angry.'   
...  
'And, it hurts.'   
  
- Quick Flashback -  
"I just didn't want to see your ugly faces! You...three...stooges!"  
"Owww my eye!"  
- Back to Reality -  
Tired of thinking about Asuka, he lets his mind fly again, looking for something better to think   
about.   
'What about Rei?'   
... 'Another indescribable woman.'   
'Hmmm, I wonder why she is so emotionless,'   
'Is it because she is fragile?'  
...  
'No, she puts up with Auska just fine.'  
'Actually, better than most of us.'  
'But what if it hurts her deep down inside too, like me?'   
...  
'I would like to ask her that tomorrow, if I could gather the strength.'  
'I wonder what she's doing?'  
...  
'Probably sleeping, like I should be now.'  
All the while Shinji began to feel very tired. He looked at his watch. '10:35? It's a school day   
tomorrow! Better get some rest.'  
Shinji's hands felt wet. As he looked at them, he noticed they were covered with sweat. Instead   
of wiping them on his pants, he decided to wash them at the kitchen. He lifted himself from his   
bed and slowly tiptoed out of his room. As he made his way through the hall, he saw a familiar   
redhead at the kitchen table, laying face down.  
"Ah, Asuka?"  
No response.  
"Asuka, you should really sleep in a bed."  
Asuka slowly moved herself onto her arm, but otherwise nothing.  
'I could move her, but she'd probably slap me,' Shinji decided. He tiptoed over to the sink and   
let the relaxing cold-water flow over his hands. "Hmmmmmm." Shinji looked behind him. 'Gee, she   
really is dead to the world.' No sooner had he thought this, however, Asuka lifted her head   
groggily and uttered, "...Shin-ji?.."  
"You should really get to bed Asuka, it's late."  
"Whaysham nup dah zzzzzzzzzzzz."   
Shinji stopped the water and stepped lightly back to the hallway. He really wasn't in the mood   
to wrestle with Asuka right now. Just before he opened his door, he heard the door to the   
apartment open.  
"Miss Misato, is that you?"  
"Shinji?"  
He walked over to the apartment door to meet her.  
"Hello, how was work?"  
"Do you like paperwork?"  
"Well, no..."  
"Neither do I, that's why I didn't enjoy my day."  
"Oh," was all he could say.  
Misato walked past him to grab a beer.  
Glug, glug, glug, glug,  
"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHAAAAAAAAAAAA!"  
"Oh, yeah! My bad day's just goten better!"  
"Whayshamp, gugen maarf?"  
"Oh, sorry Asuka. Hey, why aren't you in bed? Say, why aren't you in bed either Shinji?"  
"I'm just about to go."  
"Gaarf, beg, snarf..... zzzzzzzzzzzzzz..."  
"Shinji, can you help me get her into bed?"  
"I'd... rather not.."  
"Why not, you're a man aren't you?"  
"It's not that Misato, I'm just enjoying a very short 'no insult no slap' session, that's all."  
"Oh, cmon! Grab her legs for me."  
Shinji had a disgusted and fearful look on his face.  
"Hurry up will you?"  
"Uh, okay..."  
He gingerly picked up her feet.   
"Gee, she's heavy." Misato smirked.   
"Okay, lay her down over there."   
"Alright." Shinji did as he was instructed.   
"Let's let her get some sleep now. You should get some sleep too, you know." Shinji smirked.   
"Yes Mum."   
"Hey! Get back here!" Misato chased him out of the room.  
"Alright! Just stop tickling me!" Shinji screamed.   
"That'll teach you. Now get to bed."   
Misato closed Shinij's door. He lay back on his bed. It had been a long day, and the day's boring   
events started to wear on him. He had no trouble getting to sleep at all.  
  
Rei stepped into Gendo Ikari's office, and stared at Kozou with cold red eyes until he left.   
"What is it, Rei?"  
"I wanted to ask you..."   
"Yes?"  
"Do you think Pilot Ikari has... feelings for me?"  
Gendo's face turned sour.  
"Dismiss the thought immediately. He cares as little for you as Ritsuko does. Beware him, Rei;   
the third child is not to be trusted."  
"But, I-"  
"What now?"  
"Nothing, Commander."  
"Good, you may leave now."  
"Yes, sir."   
Rei left with as little notice as she came.  
  
  
The next day, when Shinji and Asuka arrived at school, Asuka went to find Hikari, and Shinji sat   
at his desk, waiting for the day to progress. But as most school days go, it went very slowly.   
He decided just to go into deep thought for a while.  
He glanced around the room. Touji was sleeping, lying back in his chair with his arms supporting   
his head, a line of slag dripping down his face, Kensuke was typing something on his laptop,   
probably tapping into his Dad's data files, Asuka was blabbing and chatting to Hikari about   
nothing, and Rei; she was staring out the window as usual. Rei turned her eye a little to see   
whom the person that was staring at her was. He quickly looked away.   
'Great. I hate it when they see you.' Shinji blushed and nervously looked around. After a while,   
however, Rei resumed her absent-minded window staring.   
'I wonder why Ikari stares at me? I thought he didn't care?' The remainder of the day was filled   
to the brim with mindless blabbing about second impact and "How, this generation, must strive for   
the best, and leave the awful past behind us... Blah blah blah." When the day was over, most   
people spilled out of the room as fast as they could, but Shinji was in no hurry. He was debating   
whether or not he might survive the next angel attack. Rei walked over to Shinji's desk without   
him noticing.   
"Ikari?"   
Shinji fearfully snapped his neck to see who it was, but when he did, he relaxed.   
"Yes Re- I mean Ayanami?" Shinji continued to stare. In this light she was quite beautiful.   
"The day is over pilot Ikari."   
"Is it?"   
Shinji dopily looked around the classroom, noticing that no-body was there.   
"So it is..." Shinji looked back at the first child. He forgot where he was, and how to decipher   
thought from actual speaking.   
"Would you like to walk home with me Ayanami? That is, oh, I mean!"   
'Should I thrust him? The Commander said I should not,'  
'I shall find out my own hypothesis.'  
Shinji noticed she was stalling.  
"Oh, it doesn't matter! I mean- I thought-"  
"I would."  
"Oh, great! I mean, good..."  
Shinji forgot what to do next.  
Rei stared at him as if to say "Get a move on."  
Shinji didn't get it.  
"Shall we leave now?"  
"Yeah, ok." Shinji lifted himself from his desk and the two hedgehogs set out on the trip to   
Rei's apartment, since it was closer than Misato's. Rei and Shinji were walking down the   
pavement when Rei shoots a question at Shinji.   
"Ikari?"  
"Hmm?"  
"Why were you staring at me this morning?"  
She asks in a straightforward manner without a hint of hesitation. Rei didn't even need to look   
at him, she was preoccupied with walking. Shinji really wasn't listening but he got the jist of   
the question, and it put him off guard.   
"Ah, well, you know,"   
Rei's red eyes focus on Shinji, making him even more nervous.   
"I...ah...wanted.." gulp "to ask...you a ...question."   
He finally got it out, even though it was a half-truth. Rei said no response, as if to say,   
"Shoot."  
"Ah, well, why do you live alone in such a run down apartment, Ayanami?"   
Rei said nothing as they approached her apartment. Just before she opened her door, she quietly   
responded "Sayonara." And disappeared behind her door.   
'I wonder why she ignored me? Was it something I said?'   
'Well I don't want to intrude, and she probably doesn't want to talk to me.' He turned and began   
the slow and long walk 'home' - Misato's apartment.   
'I wonder what her problem is?'  
'Could I ask Misato?'   
'Maybe I will, I hope I can trust her.' He barely lifted his feet as he walked.   
'Does Ayanami hate me?'  
'No, she's like that to everybody, except my Father.' Shinji's face turned cold as he finished   
the walk home.  
"Hello, I'm home!" 'Not that anyone cares anyway...'  
"Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!" Came a sweet voice from the inside the kitchen. Shinji walked in to   
find Misato, drinking a yebisu.   
"You've been out for a while... Where have you been Shinji?"  
"Well, I... walked home with Ayanami..."  
Misato began to grin but was interrupted.  
"Hey, Misato, I need to ask you-"  
"Wondergirl, what the hell were you doing with Wondergirl!?"  
Shinji noticed Asuka coming in from the hallway.  
"Oh, it's...you Asuka."  
"What the hell is that supposed to mean? I thought you would be honoured by my presence, idiot.   
I'm still the most popular girl in school you know."  
Shinji ignored her.  
"Answer me! Are you stupid!?"  
...  
"You really are stupid, aren't you! You pathetic, stupid... RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrr!"  
Asuka quietly turned around, her auburn hair following suit, then she stormed back to her room.   
A loud slam of her door concluded her exit.   
"Misato, can I ask you a question?"  
Misato looked up from her beer.  
"Anything!" She had her warm motherly smile on her face.   
"What it Asuka's problem? It seems that whatever I do, it just makes her angry."  
...  
"Is it something in her past?"  
"...I...can't tell you."  
There was an uncomfortable silence.  
"Oh, is it your turn to cook tonight?"  
"Uh huh. I'm just wondering what you'd like for dinner tonight."  
Misato wondered.  
"How about take away? Or instant ramen!"  
"How about the usual instant ramen, I mean, you wouldn't want us to eat anything else wouldn't   
you, Misato?"  
Misato gave him happy evils with her eyes as he began boiling the water. When he had finished the   
ramen, Shinji called out so Asuka could hear, "Dinner's ready!"  
It was hard to hear, but Shinji could swear he heard her mumble "It's about time!"  
During dinner, while Misato and Asuka chatted, Shinji remained silent. After a while Misato   
noticed this, but she took no action. If he needed time to think, he could have it. After dinner,   
Misato whispered to Shinji, so Asuka couldn't hear,   
"Why don't you take a walk huh?"  
"Oh, alright."  
"Make sure you grab your jacket."  
He could swear he heard Asuka blab   
"Where's that idiot off to?"  
Shinji half smiled. He looked forward to the time in which he would have no interruptions, where   
he would have time to think, without the noise of Misato and Asuka. Especially Asuka. He stepped   
out of the apartment and smelt the crisp, cold air. Summer was all year round, but as Misato said,   
the Earth is returning to it's original state. He was cold, but he didn't care.   
  
Rei sat on her bed contemplating what Shinji had said to her.  
- Quick Flashback -  
Shinji and Rei are walking down the pathway.   
"Ah, well, why do you live alone in such a run down apartment, Ayanami?"  
'I don't know. Why is it that he asks me that? Does it matter where I live? I must not answer. I   
must think over this.' Just before she opened her door, she quietly responded   
"Sayonara." And disappeared behind her door.  
- Back to Reality -  
'I shall go for a walk.'  
Rei then left her apartment.  
  
It was getting dark, the air was cold and dry, but Shinji didn't care. He was lying against the   
railing, near a train station. Even if the trains were loud, they were relaxing. He was enjoying   
the peace, the calm and tranquillity, and the time to himself.  
Shinji's thoughts wandered to Rei.  
'I always feel uncomfortable when I'm around her.'  
'Does she feel the same?'  
?  
Something triggered Shinji's attention from the corner of his eye. He looked up. It was Rei.  
'She's on a walk too?'  
...  
'I don't feel like talking to anyone right now. Especially Rei, she requires concentration. She's   
hard to talk to.'  
But the powers that be made Rei walk up to the third child.  
Neither exchanged greetings, Rei only stood beside Shinji. Even though they weren't talking they   
were both enjoying the company.  
...  
Shinji decided to break the silence.  
"Were you on a walk too, Ayanami?"  
"Yes."  
...  
"Why here?"  
whisper "I usually walk here."  
"Oh."  
...  
"Why?"  
...  
pause  
'Why does she discourage conversation?'  
'Ask her why.'  
'No, I'd better not.'  
The thought persisted.   
'Ask her why.'  
'No.'  
'Ask her why! Do it!'  
"Ayanami, I..."  
Rei looked at him, eyes like fire, yet cold as ice.  
"Why don't you talk?"  
Her answer was as monotone as her last speech.  
"I only talk when I am required to."  
"Surely you like to talk to others, though?"  
Rei ignored the question.  
Another train stopped behind them, making a loud screeching noise as the brakes were initiated.   
The sounds of quiet traffic could also be heard.  
"What is wrong?"  
Rei was confused, her face showed it only slightly.  
Shinji reverted to his original self.  
"Sorry."  
She looked up into his eyes.  
"Are you?"  
'Are you sorry?'  
'No.'  
'Why not?'  
This time, his thought pattern was Misato's voice.   
'Because there is no reason to be. You escape from any uncomfortable situation with an apology.'  
He decided to argue with Misato.  
'But that's all I know how to do, that's what I was taught to do!'  
Asuka replied this time: 'Your Auntie and Uncle never told you to do that, all you are is just a   
weak little fool!'  
Blinding light brought Shinji back to reality and reminded him of where he was. He was tired.   
"Pilot Ikari, are you ok?"  
'There she goes again, being all too formal with me.'  
All he could manage was a slight groan "What happened?"  
"I asked you if you were sorry and you almost passed out."  
Shinji's dizziness faded.  
It suddenly became very cold. II large gust of wind engulfed the Tokyo-3 Loob line and the two   
pilots. Rei visibly shivered. Shinji noticed this, took off his jacket and placed it on her back.   
Rei held it closer with her free arm.  
"Could I walk home with you Ayanami?"  
"Why do you want to spend time with me all of a sudden?"  
Shinji was hurt.  
"I shall be fine. Here, take your jacket back."  
Rei began to take off the jacket Shinji just handed her.  
Spurred by a gust of ambition inside of him, he blurted out,  
"But I want to!"  
The first Child stared at him and replied flatly,  
"If you wish..."  
She put the jacket back on.  
  
As they were walking, Shinji felt he needed to know more about Rei. He didn't mean to ask the   
question, but after he said it, he decided to let it stand.   
"What do you see in the commander?"  
Rei thought without any facial emotion.  
'He does not have the clearance to know.'  
She ignored him.  
Shinji hated being ignored.  
"Why are you so cold all of a sudden? In fact, why are you cold all of the time, except with the   
commander?"  
no emotion  
"Why do you care?"  
"Of course I do! It's not nice to be cold Rei, I hate it!"  
"You called me Rei."  
Shinji was still angry  
"So what?"  
Rei looked down.  
"Why?"  
Still monotone.  
"I'm not sure. I like you I guess. I like you as a fellow pilot but more so as a friend. That's   
why I hate it when you're cold to me.  
Even though..."  
"What?"  
Still monotone.  
"Even though you don't like me."  
With that, they were at Rei's doorstep.  
Before she could answer, Shinji said   
"Goodnight, Ayanami."  
Then he ran off into the night.  
  
- End of Chapter one -  
  
Author's notes:  
Version 1.1 - Fixed Gensuke/Kensuke spelling problem. Fixed first/third child error. Got rid of   
stupid omake.  
Version 1.0 - Well I finally finished it and submitted it. It took about a month of badgering from my friend   
(YES LUNKS THIS MEANS YOU!!!) to get me to finish it. When I started looking around for Eva fan   
fiction I was shocked to find how many Asuka + Shinji fics there were, and the lack of   
Rei + Shinji ones. So I decided to write my own. Yes, the omake is really crap. I know the start   
is really boring but bare with me, this is only the beginning..... WHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!  
  
Grud said that I kept on writting thoughts with 'blah' and kept on writting a sentance and then ending the   
quote, only to write another thought. I thought that that emulates thought patterns pretty well.  
A lot of people think in this fashion, rather than a constant stream. Also, when they ask a question in   
thier heads, the answer is like a different person speaking or even just a break between what is said  
now and when the answer comes. I also prefer the 'blah' rather than the _blah_ for thinking. thats just  
the way I like to do it. Thanks Grud. I'm trying to make the next chapter happier, cos this one's a   
little sad. I guess it is cold beginings anyway.  
2nd part is on the way.  
Please keep on informing of errors so I can fix them!  
-Mrcul   



	2. There's Still Hope

Eyes Like Fire, Yet Cold As Ice.  
-Chapter Two - There's Still Hope  
-- By Aal  
-- My e-mail is aal@evangelion.com  
  
The door slamming awoke Misato from her daydreaming. Even though it was cold outside, the   
apartment was warm and cosy. It was a mess, since Shinji hadn't cleaned it in three days.  
"Oh, it's you, Shinji. You were out for a while."  
Misato was sitting at the kitchen table. Shinji did not feel well at all. Physically and   
emotionally, he was a wreck. Even though Shinji hated being ignored, and hated the way his father  
behaved, he had to go to his lovely suite, and ignore Misato in the process, even if it was just   
for a moment.   
  
Just before he arrived at his door, somebody else was exiting their's.  
"You idiot, where have you been?!"  
Shinji limped slowly past her.  
"Don't ignore me! Answer me!"  
He could barely get it out.  
"L-leave me alone, Asuka..."  
Shinji opened his door and slipped in.  
...  
'Good...she didn't follow me...'  
  
Shinji slumped against the wall on his bed, letting his mind flood with questions.  
'Am I really like my father?'  
'Am I really that pathetic? Standing up for NOT being like my father and in the end, hopelessly   
becoming him?'  
'Who do I think I am?'  
"Shinji? Can I come in?"  
His thoughts were interrupted by Misato outside his door. She opened it with a compassionate but   
confused look on her face.  
"Is something wrong?"  
...  
She walked up to the bed and sat beside him. Trying to gather the words to say with his slumped   
shoulders and his drooped face looking at the floor, Shinji lost control.  
"What's wrong with life, Misato?"  
Misato was startled.   
"What do you mean?"  
Shinji looked awful. His facial features were consumed with anguish. Misato's first impulse was   
to put an arm around Shinji's shoulder, but she didn't. She knew that Shinji didn't receive   
compassion that way; he received it by positive words. She remembered how happy Shinji was when   
his father complemented him after one of the battles, and how upset he was after his father hung   
up on him. Apparently, Asuka didn't help either...But that's not the point right now.  
"Forgive me Misato, please; I-I just need some time alone."  
Misato wanted to find out more, but decided it might be detrimental to the third child. She got   
up, made her way to the door, and when she opened it, she was surprised to find Asuka outside.   
Misato had a stern look on her face as she closed the door. Shinji could hear the faint   
conversation in the background.   
"Were you eavesdropping, Asuka?"  
"No, of course not! There wasn't even much said anyway..."  
Asuka gulped on her words.  
"So you were eavesdropping."  
Asuka decided to turn to the defensive.  
"Are you stupid?! I said I wasn't! There's no reason to! You two are so boring anyway!"  
The two were walking into the kitchen and thus becoming harder and harder to hear.  
"Does it occur to you that there's a person in there, Asuka?"  
Asuka's response was inaudible.   
Those words from Misato would remain with Shinji for a long time.  
  
"Stand up! Bow! Sit Down!"  
Another day at school, another one of my precious, limited days wasted by listening to rants and   
raves about second impact, Shinji thought. He surveyed the room. Most people were here today,   
seated at wooden desks, expressing their own version of boredom, based on their personality.   
Shinji noticed that Rei's desk was empty. His eyes narrowed and his lip curled.  
"Probably with father..."  
"What?"  
Shinji was unaware that he said anything out aloud.   
"Never-mind. How are you Kensuke?"  
"I'm okay, but I hear Toji's pretty love-struck right now..."  
Shinji looked at Toji, who was staring at Hikari from across the room.  
It was old news that Toji and Hikari had a mutual crush on each other. They both handled it the   
same way. They avoided each other. Only glances in each other's direction told the other that   
they were still interested. Kensuke began to snicker. Shinji felt like he was being elbowed in   
the ribs. He was. It was Kensuke.  
"Aida and Ikari, pay attention!"   
Kensuke was afraid.   
"Y-yes class rep..."  
Hikari eyed Shinji, but he was too tired to notice. He looked too tired for anything in fact.   
The progressed slowly, and after what seemed like an eternity the children were allowed to   
escape. Shinji was in no hurry. He was depressed. The only girl he had feelings for, didn't   
return them. Rei loved his father more than him. Nothing was more hurtful than the truth, and to   
Shinji, this was the truth right now.  
"What are you just sitting there for, you idiot! It's time to go!"  
'I hate it when she does these kind of things...Maybe if I look hurt, she'll leave me alone.'   
Shinji looked up from the table with a synthetic hurt look. Even if Asuka could see through it,   
it wouldn't have changed her mind on what to do next.  
"You're so weak, you little fool!"  
She physically removed Shinji from his seat, al the while he slipped and landed on his butt.  
"Owwwwwww Asuka..."  
"You better think twice before you mess with me again, dummkopf."   
Asuka stomped out of the room.  
'I might as well go home now anyway.'  
Shinji picked himself off the floor.  
'Maybe I should just go home...'  
  
"Oh, hello Ritsuko!"   
Shinji was surprised to see Ritsuko at his home at this hour. Se was sitting in the living room   
in front of the T.V., which was turned off. She usually lived at work, as far as Shinji was   
concerned. Ritsuko spoke with her deep, serene voice.  
"Hello, Shinji."   
"Why'd you stop by?"  
"Oh, you're just like Misato. Thinking doctors are robots that don't need friends. By the way,   
how long has it been since you cleaned up this dump?"  
"Ah, excuse me Ritsuko!" Misato walked in from the kitchen with two coffees in her hands.   
"This place isn't a dump, and anyway, a little mess adds character to anything, right Shinji?."  
Misato did her warm smile, which made Shinji happy.  
"That's always been your philosophy, hasn't it Misato. You can tell by your desk at work and   
your kitchen table at home." Ritsuko interrupted.  
Shinji didn't like social occasions such as this, especially since when Ritsuko was around, the   
jokes were at Misato's expense.  
"I-in answer to your question, Ritsuko, it's been about four days now... and... I think I'll   
just... leave now..." Shinji murmured self-consciously.  
"Don't you want a cup of coffee Shinji?" Misato smiled, even if she was slightly annoyed at   
Ritsuko.  
"No thanks." He escaped as fast as he could.  
"Just like Asuka..." Ritsuko mused.  
  
About half an hour later, Shinji emerged from his room heartened, after listening to his SDAT.   
"Oh, Ritsuko."   
Ritsuko was still here.   
"Yes Shinji?"  
She had an interested, questioning look on her face, but as soon as it was there, it was gone.  
"Where was Ayanami today? She wasn't at school..."  
Her eyes flinched.  
"She's was at NERV."  
She gave Shinji a look that forbade further questioning - and he couldn't be bothered asking any   
more questions anyway.  
...  
"Well, Misato I'll just go for a walk..."  
Shinji was just about to leave the apartment when he saw that cheecky look on Misato's face.  
"Where?" She asked slowly.  
Ritsuko nearly chocked on what was remaining of her third coffee. Shinji turned a slight red.  
"N-nowhere... Bye Ritsuko..."  
Shinji slipped out of the apartment.  
"I wonder where he's going?" Thought Ritsuko out aloud.  
  
The air was crisp and dry, the kind that makes you thirsty just to breathe it. It was getting   
dark, but Shinji didn't care. All the neon lights on all the buildings lit everything up anyway.   
It was quite beautiful. Shinji began absent-mindedly walking towards Rei's house. Once he   
realised where he was going though, he was already there. Shinji looked to his right. The buzzer   
was broken, so he knocked. There was no response. He slowly opened the dirty door.  
- Quick Flashback -   
Toji: You can't just enter a girl's house uninvited!"  
Shinji: "But we have no choice..."  
- Back to Reality -  
'She knows me anyway I guess, so she shouldn't mind.'  
Shinji took off his shoes and headed to her 'bedroom.' The house was still in complete disarray.   
It was awful.  
'How can she live in such a place?'  
...  
"Hello? Is anybody home?" He called out.  
No answer.  
There is no use in just hanging around in somebody's flat uninvited...so he left. The last thing   
he noticed before he left was that the glasses were no longer on the table.   
  
When Shinji arrived home, Ritsuko was gone.  
"Shinji! You're home just in time to cook dinner!"  
He tried to smile and failed. As much as he tried, Shinji could not look or, more importantly,   
feel happy.  
'I'll talk to him later.' Misato resolved.  
Misato helped Shinji prepare dinner. When prepared, the two chefs moved the small plates over to   
the table. Not much was said during dinner, and when finished, Shinji went straight to his room.   
After a minute, Misato followed.  
  
Misato walked over to the bed where Shinji was sitting on and sat beside him.  
"What's wrong, Shinji?"  
Shinji loved Misato, but he found it difficult to relate.  
"M-Misato, all my life, I could shut off from other people, so I did. I could protect myself   
from being hurt...b-but a side effect from that is finding it hard to talk to other people   
personally when I need to...I-I can't open up...because I shut myself off..."  
"I'm here for you sweetie." She gave him a reassuring smile. Shinji's spirits were lifted.  
"Can I trust you, Misato?"  
"Of course you ca-"  
Shinji thought clearly for a moment.  
"No I can't. Anything and everything I tell you you'll write in that little black book of yours   
for NERV."  
Misato was stunned.  
"Or did you think I didn't know about that Misato?"  
Misato thought for a while.  
"Okay Shinji, whatever you say I'll keep just between us."  
"Thankyou... Y-...Y-.."  
Shinji was struggling to get the words out, for fear of being rejected.   
"You won't laugh at me?"  
"No..."  
Misato brought her face lower to Shinji's level.  
"You know Kaji..."  
"Yeah."  
"Do you still like him? E-even just a little?"  
...  
"Confidentiality is mutual you understand."  
"Of course Misato, I wouldn't ask you to do something that I wouldn't do for you in return."  
Misato laid back and let out a sigh.  
"Kaji, Kaji, Kaji... The man of my dreams, yet of my worst nightmares."  
"W-what do you mean?"  
"Well, he's the man of my dreams because...he's kind, gentle...faithful, I know he'd be faithful   
to me."  
"Then what's the problem?"  
...  
"You remember what I told you about my father..."  
"Yeah..."  
"Well you know how eight years ago Kaji and I were together."  
"No... You've never talked about him before now."  
"Well I met him at college. Same with Ritsuko. I thought he was the perfect man for me; and he   
was...but..."  
"But...what?"  
...  
Misato looked at him seriously.  
"I panicked... Hey, this was supposed to be about you!"  
Shinji looked down.  
"I-I just thought it would be a good metaphor to help me explain my problem to you, Misato, if   
you told me yours first. I'm sorry..."  
Misato thought for a second, and then made the link. She looked into his eyes until he looked   
back, a little smile emerging on her face.  
"This is about a girl, isn't it?"  
Shinji turned a slight red.  
Misato pried a little further, bringing her face a little closer to his.  
"So that's why you were upset..."  
A little closer.  
"Who is it? The girl, I mean."  
...  
"R-Rei."  
Misato sat back, and tried to contain a laugh.  
"Rei... You can't be serious!" smirk smirk  
Shinji was hurt. Bad.   
Shinji moved away from her.  
"I knew you would... I just knew you would... I should never have opened myself to you..."  
She put a hand on his shoulder. Shinji flinched.   
"Hey calm down, I'm sorry okay?"  
This didn't fix the problem entirely.  
"It's just... well, you know... Rei is just... How do I explain this?"  
...  
"Shinji, I know that she is a very attractive girl too, but relationships based on the physical   
never work.-"  
Shinji cut her off.  
"I know that Misato, it's not physical, really..."  
"Well I don't understand how it could be anything other than physical."  
"What do you mean Misato?"  
"As much as you say she doesn't, she doesn't talk to anyone, Shinji. It can't be emotional   
because... you don't know her."  
"But what about when you first met Kaji Misato? What did you feel then?"  
...  
"See! It's that feeling. It's just there."  
...  
Misato and Shinji sat there for a little while longer, not talking, but thinking about what had   
just been said between the two, now in the quiet.  
...  
"Misato?"  
"Hmm?"  
"Are you lonely too?"  
"...Yes...I am..."  
Misato got up, and went to the door and opened it.  
"Goodnight, Shinji."  
"Uh, goodnight."  
She then went out and closed the door.  
  
Shinji laid back on his bed and let out a well-earned sigh.  
It was nice in the quiet and the dark, time to reflect upon what has happened, time to worry   
about what might happen.  
'Oh well, at least tomorrow I'll be able to talk to her.'  
  
Shinji was awoken by a kind of shrill shriek coming from the kitchen. He knew who it was from,   
and he was not looking forward to 'synthetic family relations' this morning. It was Asuka.   
"Shinji! It's your turn to cook breakfast!!"  
...  
"Get out here you dork!!!"  
'I'm coming!" He screamed.   
Shinji realised he had slept all night without the covers on. He removed himself from his bed and   
went to the kitchen to heat up some rice.  
"It's about time you got up, you idiot."  
Shinji rubbed his head.   
'Orrrr what time is it?"  
Asuka looked at her NERV watch.  
"Crap! It's 7:30! You better hurry...or else!"  
  
When school arrived (or when Shinji and Asuka arrived at school) they were late. Hikari knew   
this was her job.  
"Why are you two late?" she squealed.  
"Give the newlyweds a break, class rep. They just need some time together."  
Asuka went red.  
slap  
"I'd...I'd never! How dare you!"  
Asuka stomped to her seat, sat down and remained silent for a little while longer. That was just   
what Shinji needed. He caught a glance at Rei.  
Rei zipped her head back to looking forward. Shinji only got an instant to think about what   
happened.  
'Was Rei just looking at me?"  
  
"Shhhhhhh class! Be quiet I said! Sensei is here!"  
Shinji chuckled.  
'I wonder if Hikari would make a good mother?'  
  
The class suddenly became silent as the teacher droned on about Second impact. But it wasn't an   
attentive silence; it was a dreary bored silence. A kind of silence that seems to go on forever.   
When lunch time was announced, Kensuke and Shinji noticed the look of excitement on Touji's face.  
"Oh buy, it's lunch time! My most favourite part of the whole school day!"  
'Where has Rei gone?'  
Shinji too a look around the class room, but Rei was not to be found.  
'Maybe I'll look outside.'  
  
When he got to the yard outside, many little droplets of water were dropping from the sky. The   
ground was drenched. The fog was quite thick therefore making it hard to see any distance of   
worth.  
Shinji took a deep breath and went back inside.  
'Was she looking at me, or not?'  
As Shinji was running through the levels of the school building he was wondering this, franticly   
looking for a girl with red eyes and blue-grey hair.  
  
After many flights of stairs Shinji arrived at the top level of the School building. 'Sigh, the   
top level. If she's not here then she's not anywhere.'  
This time he didn't run, he walked. As he walked down the hall, Shinij took a left into one of   
the empty classrooms. He saw a young girl with blue grey hair sitting with her back to the wall   
and her face buried in her knees. She was crying.  
  
A frightened girl snapped her head up to view the intruder, tears streaming down her face. She   
jumped up and shot past the third child almost faster that his eyes could follow her.  
  
"REI! WAIT! COME BACK!"  
Shinji ran as far as he could to trail Rei, but she had incredible fitness. He saw a crowd   
gathering at the back of the hallway on the bottom level. Just as Shinji had to stop to catch a   
breath, a familiar face stood out from the crowd watching him.  
  
"Oh damn."  
  
First confusion was on her face, then a teasing look. It was Asuka.  
"What did you do to wondergirl, dummkopf?"  
Shinji was so exhausted all he could do was pant.  
"Answer me simpleton!"  
There was a general approval from the crowd observing.   
"Yeah, what didja do?"  
"Yeah, tell us."  
"Who do you think you are?"  
Shinji was racked with fear.  
"I didn't do anything, I-"  
Everyone was waiting for his answer.  
"Answer us!"  
"Yeah, what's your problem?"  
Shinji then saw a little gap in the crowd.  
Shinji had to escape. All he could do was run through it. Shinji ran. He ran until he couldn't   
run any further. He didn't care which direction, or to which destination. He stopped at the   
train station, close to Rei's house. When Shinji caught his breath back, he had some choices to   
make.  
  
'I'm really close to her house, should I go there?'  
'I think she's had enough for today.'  
'But I really need to talk to her!'  
...  
'I'll give it a shot, can I really stuff up this situation any further anyway?'  
  
As the third child walked closer to Rei's house, a feeling of apprehension came over him.  
'Should I?'  
There was no turning back for Shinji as he knocked on Rei Ayanami's Door for the fourth time in   
his life.  
  
- End of Chapter one -  
  
Author's notes:  
How long has it been, four months? I did the usual thing I do which is start something, but never   
finish it. This time, now however I am determined to finish this story. Thanks to Gerald for   
getting me off my butt to start writing again. Sorry to keep everyone who enjoyed the first   
chapter waiting.  
If you have any ideas for the series please don't hesitate to email me with your ideas! Bye.  
-Aal  
  



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